Crushing regrets
by Ikweetnietgoedwaarom
Summary: A glimpse of the woman she always loved made her realise how much she still loved her. And how trapped she was in her life. She couldn't go back and she couldn't go on. Its up to the reader to decide who of the Bellas this is about.
1. Chapter 1

This couldn't be happening. She was happily married with two gorgeous kids. She never expected to run into her again. But it just happened.

One look at the beautiful woman she had become and all her feelings came back. Okay, she had never forgotten about her. The passionate nights during their college years. The kissing and love making. She never truly loved anyone else as much as she had loved her.

But life had forced her to move on. Her family had forced her to marry him. He was nice and a good husband and father. But he wasn't her and she didn't love him. She couldn't bring herself to love him as much as she ever loved her.

 _**Flashback**_

 _The two of them were making love in her room of her childhood home. It had been spring break and they decided to visit her parents. The other girls parents were on a cruise and she didn't want to spend spring break alone._

 _Nobody had been in the house and they decided to take full advantage of the situation. She screamed and moaned when the other girl made her come. No one else could give her so much satisfaction._

 _To caught up in their love making they didn't hear the footsteps. They didn't hear the door opening. They were totally becoming one and didn't expect someone to disturb them._

 _Her mother had been shocked and disgusted. There had been yelling and screaming. They were given half an hour to get dressed and pack their belongings. Without any consideration the girl was thrown out her house._

 _Her parents pulled her out of school and forced her to go to another university. A strict Catholic university. Where things like that didn't happen._

 _That day had been the last day she had seen her. But she never had forgotten about her one and true love._

 _**End of flashback**_

It had been ten years since she had seen her. And now that she caught a glimpse of her, she knew she still wanted her. She didn't care about the consequences. She would give up her comfortable life in a heartbeat to be with her once again.

But she was a coward. She didn't have the gut to go to the other woman and make her presence known. She had continued with doing the things she was supposed to do.

And now she felt a crushing regret. Her heart still beated for the other woman. One glimpse and she felt like she was the college student again. Safe in the other woman's arms.

She wondered if the other woman got on with her life too. Would she sometimes still think about her? Was she married with children herself? Her heart broke at the thought.

Trapped in a life were she wasn't happy, she thought back at the memories she made. Ten years hadn't been enough to forget her. She had wanted to name her daughter after her but her own mother had stopped her.

The feeling her children should've been theirs had never left her mind. Every time she looked at her kids she asked herself how different her life had been if she had married her instead of him.

Seeing her again made her realise she couldn't go back to her life. She still wanted her and it hurt her so much that she couldn't get what she wanted.

She went back home. Her kids were at school and her husband at work. Sitting alone in their big house, she started to cry. This wasn't going to work. If I can't have her nobody else can have me.

She stood up and walked to the closet in their bedroom. She opened the safe were her husband kept his guns. She choose a gun and sat on their bed. Without any hesitation she brought the gun to the side of her head. Before pulling the trigger her last thoughts went out to her. The last words that left her were a soft whispering.

" _I still love you"_


	2. Chapter 2

She didn't know why she stepped foot again in the town that hurt her so much ten years ago. It was like she was gravitated to that town.

She never had forgotten about her. The past ten years had been a total nightmare and hell. After that fatal day she hadn't touched another person again. Nothing could erase the feeling the other woman had given her.

She had gone on with her life. She had tried to go on with her life. But she barely managed to go on with life without the other woman by her side.

She never expected to meet the love of her life in college. Yet it had happened. The first day at university and she had found her other half. The half that God had created especially for her. And the other woman had known it too. They had instantly clicked, and from that moment they hadn't let go of each other.

 _**Flashback**_

 _The first time they kissed was like an explosion of fireworks. Never in her life she had felt so perfect as when their lips had touched. The soft lips of the other girl did magic tricks on her skin._

 _When the girl had kissed her she had felt every fiber in her body come to life. Never before she had so felt alive._

 _After their first kiss on their first day at college, they immediately gone further. It was like they were pulled to each other like magnets. They didn't regret it and it was the first night of many more._

 _**End of flashback**_

She still shivered when she thought about that night. And now she was in the same town were it all painfully ended. After the incident she dropped out of college. She couldn't be at that place without her.

She didn't know why she was there. Did she wanted to know if she could get a glimpse of the other woman? Would she still recognise her? Would she recognise me after all those years?

Questions she didn't have an answer to. All she did know was that she had to be here. So she took the eight hour trip to this town and had booked a hotel room for herself.

After she had freshen herself up and changed into a set of clean clothes, she walked around town. She looked around but didn't see her. A million thoughts went through her head while she walked around town without a specific purpose.

Finally she went back to her room. She crashed onto the bed and fell asleep. Dreaming about the other woman. Crying in her sleep, dreaming about the life she could have had.

Suddenly she woke up with an unexplainable pain in her chest. It felt like her heart was ripped out of her chest. As suddenly as it had came the feeling disappeared.

She stood up and walked to the bathroom. She drank an cold glass of water and stared at her reflection in the bathroom mirror.

And then she knew. That moment she knew exactly what that pain had meant. Her other half was no longer on this earth.

" _I' have never stopped loving you"_ she whispered softly.

A single tear rolling down her cheek.


End file.
